HOG WILD

One of the great things about living in Hawaii or on Maui in particular is that you can roam free without the fear of poisonous or human-eater things leaping out of the bushes at you…like bears, mountain lions or rattlesnakes (actually, any kine snake). There are no snakes on the islands of Hawaii. My friend […]

KAHANU GARDEN

The aunties and tūtū’s (grandmothers) sat happily around the table “talking story” under the protective branches of the Kukui tree stringing its nuts into beautiful necklaces. Since the kamali’i (children: “KEH-muh-LEE-‘ee”) were closer to the ground, they eagerly searched for the fallen nuts hidden in the moist grass underneath. The women would teach the stringing […]

GONE TOO LONG

How to know when you’ve been away from your tropical paradise too long: 1. You’ve got moss growing where your feet should have been:           2. You’ve got bananas coming out of your hoses and hydraulics:           3. Plus there are ferns procreating in your tires:   […]

THE SLO-MO ROAD TO HANA

     We are cleared for takeoff and headed back to Hana. In addition to the five-hour flight followed by additional hours of food shopping, we then face the two-hour drive on the Hana Highway for our final lap home. This can be the most challenging part of our long, tiring day. The Hana Highway […]

TRIP TO TITANIUMVILLE (PART 2)

…cont’d from last week:     Besides the face-pain scale sign posted on the wall in Tom’s hospital room, there was the “Risk for Fall” sign–which served as a constant reminder of what started his descent into Titaniumville in the first place. Except the warning notice looked like the guy fell over in his chair […]

TRIP TO TITANIUMVILLE (PART 1)

Tom’s new knee is a go! Three days after lift-off, he has returned from outer space (no longer on morphine) and is walking the earthly halls without being attached to tubes and monitors. He has improved from frowny pain face #8 (severe) to smiley face #2 (mild) on the Faces Pain Scale that serves as […]

A MAN IN KNEED

We interrupt this “Alo-HA” blog…with a report about a man in need of a new knee. This has required a trip to California where husband Tom’s knee is waiting…all shiny two titanium pounds of it. We have spent the past week undergoing all the pre-op tests required to see if he’ll survive during the two […]

CRAB vs CANE SPIDERS (PART 2)

…cont’d from last week: Carolyn Howard Johnson (www.howtodoitfrugally.com) loves spiders. In fact she even wrote a poem: “The Man I Love and The Writing Spider.” She begged me to send her a picture of one of our “Writing Spiders” also known as the cane spider–so named for hanging out in the sugar cane fields in […]

CRAB vs CANE SPIDERS (PART 1)

The joke making the rounds on Facebook this week goes like this: Research shows that if you’re afraid of spiders, you’re more likely to find one in your bedroom. I’m really afraid of Johnny Depp!  That’s funny. But for me personally, the punch line should be “I’m REALLY AFRAID of George Clooney!” Okay…even Tom, husband […]

NAME-DROPPING: DR. ELMO WHO? (Part 2)

…cont’d from last week: With a big grin, Neil greeted me in his office. We have been friends for over 30 years from when he was knee-high to a surfboard. “So Neil, I understand you’re out of stock on my book,” I said with a broad smile. “How’d you hear that?” he asked. “A little Grandma […]

NAME-DROPPING: DR. ELMO WHO?

Is it name-dropping if no one has a clue whose name it is that you’re dropping? I am the first to admit that Lorraine Brodek is one such name…thus the title of my book  A Nobody in a Somebody World. But Dr. Elmo Shropshire? Dr. Elmo who?      Starting right about the time kids are […]

HAWAII FUNNY TOP-10 (Crazy laws & stuff)

1. Hawaiians are not allowed to put pennies in their ears.   I wonder if this law was passed when Hawaii discovered that their coins were disappearing and they knew not all of them were ending up in the slots in Las Vegas. Also Hawaiians were becoming hard of hearing. There’s a rumor going around […]

TOMMY, TYLER & THE KIDNEY’S STONE

As I may have mentioned, Tom and I are on hiatus for a month in California frolicking with friends and family and meeting with orthopedic people about his bone-on-boney knees. Bad knees have become his biggest handicap during his weekly pasture golf game–besides the bulls. Please see my blog on Pasture Golf (4-14-14). So midst appointments with […]

MAKANI ULUULU (HURRICANE) or…

A LULU OF A BIG BLOW Nothing can interrupt a writer’s thought train more than when her caboose is being blown right out of the station. A category #1 hurricane can do that. Back in the 70’s, a couple of guys: structural engineer Herb Saffir and his buddy, meteorologist, Bob Simpson (who was Director of […]

GECKO POWER

Most sounds in Hawaii are melodious and soothing…the ocean waves slapping against the sandy shore, the enchanting bird songs of the thrushes and cardinals and cooing of doves, the splashing of the cascading waterfalls and/or the rhythmic surf beat of palm fronds blowing in the tropical breeze. One sound that is not soothing, however, is […]

KI’I (PICTURE) = 1-K WORDS

A few things have caught my eye (of the camera) around our place (and beyond). The first is our Tiki God who is the serious watchman at our front entry. Like others we’ve known, his diet plans aren’t working: Next we had a few chicks running through our garden who also had a dietary question One […]

MELI MAN

The hardest worker you have tending your garden is the one who starts at the crack of dawn and quits when the sun goes down, doesn’t need direction, is tireless in his pursuit of keeping your flowers blooming and your fruit fruiting, immigrates across borders and is happy to work for FREE–which rhymes with–BEE (meli […]

PĀKĒ, SĀKĒ, MĀKĒ (Pah-keh, Sah-keh, Mah-keh)

If you are dreaming of paradise..I bet “no traffic” might be in that dream. No freeways, no congestion, no wasting valuable hours of life on asphalt. Hana is that paradise place. We have always been free to come and go until the stop lights! But they are temporary. The definition of temporary in Hawaii is “not permanent; […]

MĀKUAHENE (MOTHER) NATURE IN THE BUFF

There is no singular word in Hawaiian for the physical universe, so obviously nature takes on many forms, shapes and sizes in Hawaii–not to mention humor. My friend, Jil, asked me not to show any more poop pictures and instead asked to see some flowers in our Maui garden. Since I’m thrilled to have one […]

KEKE (KATIE) KOLEA

We named her Katie (Keke in Hawaiian). Kolea is Hawaiian for golden plover. It’s botanical name is Pluvialis fulva which sounds like an organ from which a gynecologist might take a pap smear. Or..in the case of the male..it could be the title of the next spy flick: Agent 007–The Man with the Golden Plover. Appropriately..a plover is a bird. And […]

PORKER’S PARADISE

Baby pigs are nurtured in Hana because they grow up to be pua’a in the imu (big pig roasted in the under ground oven wrapped in banana leaves)–a big pig reason for a luau. But the Maui gardener wants them to stay in the jungle. One of the first hints that you might have a […]

POI POLLOI

Poi seems to be the #1 traditional food of almost all Hawaiians and is considered to be “the staff of life” on the islands–with beer running a close second. If you’ve never had the opportunity to sample poi, I am here to provide a bit of history on how this finger-food originated. It is made […]

THE DT’s (Driving Test or Delirium Tremens)

 The tattered, barely readable words in black ink written on top of another illegible sign is scotch-taped above the multi-painted brown door. “Driver License Division” announces that you are at the right place. An old school-house desk sits just outside the open door revealing a closet-sized office and the happy, smiling Hana “Driver License” lady, […]

PASTURE GOLF

  The great thing about living where your mind can wander and your body roam free, is that you can come up with stupid/fun ideas that are still legal and you’re not institutionalized. Such is Pasture Golf..but this game could ONLY have been created by the male of the species. In Hana, it’s called being a […]

FURLOUGH FRIDAY

Today is Furlough Friday…but it’s really Wednesday. Husband Tom loves Furlough Friday on a Wednesday because..ta da..it’s trash day! That means he gets to gather up all of our trash (including recycle stuff–I hear the clanking of wine, vodka and beer bottles now). He also gets to use duct tape and stick it on each […]

SO MANY FLOWERS, SO LITTLE TIME.

In my first in the series, I shall be providing some humorous (hopefully) insights into the fun lifestyle of living in Hana, Maui, Hawaii.